My friend stared in disbelief as I drew out the Coke, divided it into smaller, more manageable portions, then picked it off the table and ingested it through the mouth. I had run out of straws.
“Coke Shots” she says.
Hunhhh?
“You’re taking shots of coke, like you’re drinking whisky or something.”
I stared at the glass. Indeed I was. Why didn’t I just pour myself a whole glass of the sweet stuff, dang it! Actually, I had already poured what I thought was my last glass, but just couldn’t stop drinking, hence, I cheated by taking in inch high measures of the liquid, thinking those didn’t really add up.
Disclaimers by the Coca-Cola Company notwithstanding, their magic elixir remains one of the most addictive substances on the planet, easily outpacing those two other Filipino favorites, San Miguel Beer and Ginebra San Miguel. No, cocaine isn’t the secret ingredient, it’s CAFFEINE.
Yes, THAT caffeine. The same stuff you take in your daily cup of coffee. Why aren’t we happy enough with our morning starter-upper then?
To begin with, until Starbucks started marketing the Frapuccino, it just didn't seem right to take your coffee cold. And, being without any carbon dioxide, coffee doesn’t fizzle.
(Which reminds me of that now defunct Philippine Basketball Association team, the PEPSI SIZZLERS! Pepsi…? Sizzle…? Sounds like a bad joke, and so too the team, ultimately done in by the numbers 3, 4 and 9. You can say they fizzled out.)
It’s the carbonation that makes us believe that Coke is a palliative for everything from an upset stomach to the ladies’ monthly nuisance. You DON’T want to drink it if you’re suffering from gas, believe me.
Coke addiction takes a more sinister twist with me, however, as, like most addicts, I am often in denial about my addiction, convinced I can stop anytime I want to. Hey, George W. Bush gave up alcohol cold without anyone’s help and fifteen years later became President of the United States!
I figure if George W. Bush had to give up something more harmful in alcohol, I have a better shot at greatness than he did, being addicted to nothing more than Coca-Cola.
Let me see if there’s some Cherry in the fridge while I mull this over.
COKE SHOTS
COGITO, ERGO, ZOOM
When she was born, I expected, correctly of course, that my daughter meant Barbie dolls and ribboned dresses.
I had absolutely no inkling that she would share my passion for driving fast.
So here she is with me over at Kartzone in the two seater. She wanted her own ride but she's still a little too tiny for even the smallest kart.
Our children, do indeed prove our existence.
COGITO, ERGO, ZOOM
I think, therefore, I drive fast.
I WILL DRAW
From an actual information in a criminal case for grave threats:
On April 1, 1997, at around 5 o’clock in the afternoon, the accused shouted the following words in the Cebuano dialect of the Visayan language:
“NA-UG DIHA KAY MO BIRA TA’G PUSIL”
which, when translated into English, is
“COME DOWN HERE BECAUSE I WILL DRAW A GUN WITH YOU”
?????
Case dismissed.
Bring out the crayons.
BEHIND BARS
“JUDGE N FACES JAIL!” Screamed the banner story, with a matching picture of me scowling.
Great start to a new day. Crape Diem
Being Cebu’s judicial “media darling” seems to have inured me from such scandals. I have calluses on my face, figuratively speaking.
Ironically, I had just put up the picture below on the sidebar.
If I never see the insides of a detention cell, those who wish that I do may take a look and salivate. The picture was taken when we were converting a laundry room into my daughter’s new bedroom. Installing the prefab windows, we realized what they looked like and couldn’t resist the photo opportunity.
To emphasize how close I had come to incarceration, fines against judges are usually imposed by means of salary deductions. In my case, the Supreme Court gave me ten days to come up with the moolah or spend time in the friendly neighborhood NBI detention cell (at least I think it should be the NBI where a good friend of mine and respectable lawyer suffered a similar fate. Great men spend jail time, no?).
Well, with the fine imposed being roughly equal to a month’s pay (remember, HONEST JUDGE = NOT RICH), and just ten days to put it up, I wondered if I should call for reservations. Thank God for friends and relatives who offered their moral AND financial support, I don’t have to go begging or book passage to Alcatraz.
WHAT’S THIS IS HERE?
Legend has it that when Lea & Perrins came up with the recipe for their famous sauce, they had no name for it.
Anxious to have people try it out, they invited an old timer who had to speak between the gaps in his teeth.
Taking a bottle of the sauce, he squints his eyes and remarks,
“WOSH DISH ISH HERE SHAUCE?”
So there.
The final word: It’s pronounced WOOSTERSHEER or WOOSTERSHAYR.
ENGLISH 101 FOR LAWYERS
Why is it that so many lawyers don't know the difference between the term for a "cause of action" and the reason one has such a cause in the first place?
E.g. Use of the word "damages". In a complaint for damages, lawyers often conclude with, "As a result of defendant's negligence, the plaintiff suffered actual damages.... ?"
Isn't DAMAGE already plural?
What lawyers should remember is that "Damage" is the injury suffered by a person, while "damages" is the "cause of action" that arises from the injury.
So a better worded complaint for moral damages would read:
(For the damage suffered by the plaintiff), As a result of the sleepless nights and social humiliation plaintiff has suffered he is entitled to moral damages that may be placed in the amount of P1M.
Go ahead, make your dreams come true! But make sure you know the difference between "DAMAGE" and "DAMAGES."
What makes it worse is when you pick up a newspaper after a Typhoon and you read, "Typhoon ___ caused P15M in damages."
I'd like to meet the lawyer ready to sue mother nature.
LOSING MY ENGLISH
LAW DESTROYS ENGLISH! No doubt about it, ever since my 1st year of law school, my self-expression has been impeded by the legal manner of writing. One sentence into this blog and I already catch myself using "manner of".
Needless to say, (there I go again), the natural consequence of four years of law, eight years of practice and four years in the judiciary, connive to bring about a form of english that is best described as gobbledygook!
Thank God for the Plain Language initiatives. I've been paying more attention to my daughter's grade 3 Language textbooks.
And what better way to practice my rediscovered English than with a BLOG?
As this blog grows longer, so should my English become more understandable, devoid of terms that look best in a legal pleading.
Here's to plain language!