My review of Nelly Furtado's "Folklore" at Amazon.com.
Being a big Nelly Furtado fan, I quickly hunted down a copy of this album as soon as it had been released. I popped my brand new copy in my car's CD player and thought that except for "Powerless" and "Fresh Off the Boat" Nelly F was way off the mark this time so the CD stayed in my collection for several months gathering dust.
It was only when I heard that "Força" had become a hit in Europe that I gave the album another chance then realized there was more to it. What really turned me off were just a couple of songs that are soooo bad they would keep any potential buyer from picking up the CD. I refer to the two duets, "Saturdays" and "Island of Wonder". I'm not kidding, these two songs are so horrible that Dreamworks should re-release this album without them, because when I burned a copy without these two, I realized that the other songs are quite a joy to listen to, and except for the slow ones, quite danceable too.
Dreamworks, get rid of the crap and re-release this one ASAP.
Three stars.
GET RID OF THE CRAP
CHOPSTICKS OR SPOONS
In a Japanese or Chinese restaurant in the Philippines, one is likely to be handed a spoon and fork for utensils. Chopsticks are available, but often only when requested.
Filipinos have a fondness for the spoon and fork because it makes it easy to consume their staple, rice. We love our rice fluffy so that it doesn’t clump and stick together. Thus, it would be darn near impossible to eat rice if we used chopsticks, although that may be anachronistic in Southeast Asia.
I learned to use chopsticks after my father came home from some sort of training in Taiwan. Bursting with enthusiasm for his new found knowledge, he promptly took us to Japanese and Chinese restaurants to impart this skill to us.
My first impression, of course, was that Taiwan must have been an entire nation of nutcases. Who, in his right mind, would bother to pluck his food with two unwieldy pieces of wood? The temptation to reach for the trusty spoon and fork was darn near overpowering.
The worst part for me was that I couldn’t pick several pieces of food at the same time. Thus, I was denied the symphony of flavors I had enjoyed in my mouth whilst scooping up my food with the spoon.
Over time, though, I learned to appreciate the advantages of chopsticks. The deliberate way by which I had to select which tasty morsel to ingest first made me understand that each serving had its own unique flavor to be appreciated in itself. There was beauty not just in the symphony, but in the unaccompanied aria as well.
Choosing between spoons and chopsticks is like choosing by which means we interact with others. If we choose the spoon, we jump into a gang, not paying much attention to individual qualities, but rather enjoying the interaction we have with everyone. In these situations, the spoon is the better choice, and it does its job well.
It is when the moments are more intimate that we have to use chopsticks; when a friend needs a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen, or when we decide whom to love or even to love at all. Chopsticks make us appreciate our loved ones as individuals, the smile that brings us boundless joy, the knowledge that we are cared for, and the hope of a bright future together.
Sometimes we don’t choose correctly, and we may brush aside someone who needs our attention, because we have chosen the spoon or we alienate ourselves from our coterie, when we wrongly choose the chopsticks.
It is in choosing correctly that one builds successful relationships with others. When we choose between chopsticks and the spoon and the fork, may we always choose wisely.
COKE SHOTS
My friend stared in disbelief as I drew out the Coke, divided it into smaller, more manageable portions, then picked it off the table and ingested it through the mouth. I had run out of straws.
“Coke Shots” she says.
Hunhhh?
“You’re taking shots of coke, like you’re drinking whisky or something.”
I stared at the glass. Indeed I was. Why didn’t I just pour myself a whole glass of the sweet stuff, dang it! Actually, I had already poured what I thought was my last glass, but just couldn’t stop drinking, hence, I cheated by taking in inch high measures of the liquid, thinking those didn’t really add up.
Disclaimers by the Coca-Cola Company notwithstanding, their magic elixir remains one of the most addictive substances on the planet, easily outpacing those two other Filipino favorites, San Miguel Beer and Ginebra San Miguel. No, cocaine isn’t the secret ingredient, it’s CAFFEINE.
Yes, THAT caffeine. The same stuff you take in your daily cup of coffee. Why aren’t we happy enough with our morning starter-upper then?
To begin with, until Starbucks started marketing the Frapuccino, it just didn't seem right to take your coffee cold. And, being without any carbon dioxide, coffee doesn’t fizzle.
(Which reminds me of that now defunct Philippine Basketball Association team, the PEPSI SIZZLERS! Pepsi…? Sizzle…? Sounds like a bad joke, and so too the team, ultimately done in by the numbers 3, 4 and 9. You can say they fizzled out.)
It’s the carbonation that makes us believe that Coke is a palliative for everything from an upset stomach to the ladies’ monthly nuisance. You DON’T want to drink it if you’re suffering from gas, believe me.
Coke addiction takes a more sinister twist with me, however, as, like most addicts, I am often in denial about my addiction, convinced I can stop anytime I want to. Hey, George W. Bush gave up alcohol cold without anyone’s help and fifteen years later became President of the United States!
I figure if George W. Bush had to give up something more harmful in alcohol, I have a better shot at greatness than he did, being addicted to nothing more than Coca-Cola.
Let me see if there’s some Cherry in the fridge while I mull this over.
COGITO, ERGO, ZOOM
When she was born, I expected, correctly of course, that my daughter meant Barbie dolls and ribboned dresses.
I had absolutely no inkling that she would share my passion for driving fast.
So here she is with me over at Kartzone in the two seater. She wanted her own ride but she's still a little too tiny for even the smallest kart.
Our children, do indeed prove our existence.
COGITO, ERGO, ZOOM
I think, therefore, I drive fast.
I WILL DRAW
From an actual information in a criminal case for grave threats:
On April 1, 1997, at around 5 o’clock in the afternoon, the accused shouted the following words in the Cebuano dialect of the Visayan language:
“NA-UG DIHA KAY MO BIRA TA’G PUSIL”
which, when translated into English, is
“COME DOWN HERE BECAUSE I WILL DRAW A GUN WITH YOU”
?????
Case dismissed.
Bring out the crayons.
BEHIND BARS
“JUDGE N FACES JAIL!” Screamed the banner story, with a matching picture of me scowling.
Great start to a new day. Crape Diem
Being Cebu’s judicial “media darling” seems to have inured me from such scandals. I have calluses on my face, figuratively speaking.
Ironically, I had just put up the picture below on the sidebar.
If I never see the insides of a detention cell, those who wish that I do may take a look and salivate. The picture was taken when we were converting a laundry room into my daughter’s new bedroom. Installing the prefab windows, we realized what they looked like and couldn’t resist the photo opportunity.
To emphasize how close I had come to incarceration, fines against judges are usually imposed by means of salary deductions. In my case, the Supreme Court gave me ten days to come up with the moolah or spend time in the friendly neighborhood NBI detention cell (at least I think it should be the NBI where a good friend of mine and respectable lawyer suffered a similar fate. Great men spend jail time, no?).
Well, with the fine imposed being roughly equal to a month’s pay (remember, HONEST JUDGE = NOT RICH), and just ten days to put it up, I wondered if I should call for reservations. Thank God for friends and relatives who offered their moral AND financial support, I don’t have to go begging or book passage to Alcatraz.
WHAT’S THIS IS HERE?
Legend has it that when Lea & Perrins came up with the recipe for their famous sauce, they had no name for it.
Anxious to have people try it out, they invited an old timer who had to speak between the gaps in his teeth.
Taking a bottle of the sauce, he squints his eyes and remarks,
“WOSH DISH ISH HERE SHAUCE?”
So there.
The final word: It’s pronounced WOOSTERSHEER or WOOSTERSHAYR.
ENGLISH 101 FOR LAWYERS
Why is it that so many lawyers don't know the difference between the term for a "cause of action" and the reason one has such a cause in the first place?
E.g. Use of the word "damages". In a complaint for damages, lawyers often conclude with, "As a result of defendant's negligence, the plaintiff suffered actual damages.... ?"
Isn't DAMAGE already plural?
What lawyers should remember is that "Damage" is the injury suffered by a person, while "damages" is the "cause of action" that arises from the injury.
So a better worded complaint for moral damages would read:
(For the damage suffered by the plaintiff), As a result of the sleepless nights and social humiliation plaintiff has suffered he is entitled to moral damages that may be placed in the amount of P1M.
Go ahead, make your dreams come true! But make sure you know the difference between "DAMAGE" and "DAMAGES."
What makes it worse is when you pick up a newspaper after a Typhoon and you read, "Typhoon ___ caused P15M in damages."
I'd like to meet the lawyer ready to sue mother nature.
LOSING MY ENGLISH
LAW DESTROYS ENGLISH! No doubt about it, ever since my 1st year of law school, my self-expression has been impeded by the legal manner of writing. One sentence into this blog and I already catch myself using "manner of".
Needless to say, (there I go again), the natural consequence of four years of law, eight years of practice and four years in the judiciary, connive to bring about a form of english that is best described as gobbledygook!
Thank God for the Plain Language initiatives. I've been paying more attention to my daughter's grade 3 Language textbooks.
And what better way to practice my rediscovered English than with a BLOG?
As this blog grows longer, so should my English become more understandable, devoid of terms that look best in a legal pleading.
Here's to plain language!
Corruption in the judiciary
Well, what have I got to say? Corruption in the judiciary? That really is something I want to share with all the good people of Cebu. After several setbacks that seem to tell me that I should turn my eyes away from the corruption around me, after four years on the bench, I finally was the recipient of my first bribe attempt, a measly P50,000.00.
Is that all it takes to bribe a judge nowadays? I've heard that some judges take even less.